Burned Bridges...

I'll be the first to admit that I make mistakes and sometimes do bad things. I know this is one of those times but I just don't know what to do to fix it. This is the first time I have ever made a mistake like this but surprisingly I still don't know what to do about it.... Normally by now I have come up with a plan of action and can start to do something but it seems I keep diging myself a bigger and bigger hole. I like this guy, I know big surprise right? But I also like another guy. I'm not sure, of the two, which I like more though... It's tough because one I have been with several times and I know him and he is like a best friend to me but idk if i still like him the same way i used to. The other dude is new and I do like him he just doesn't really understand the concept of what to do to make a girl really fall for him. He can be nice, funny and even sweet but then again he is very good at being obnoxious, uncaring, insensitive and annoying. I just hate how he sometimes doesn't text me back and that may seem petty but it's the way i feel and it's not something i can exactly change...Then the new guy has some friends that i think are pretty cool. Some I knew before i knew him, such as Clayton. He is funny, nice, a jerk, and super dorky but i really do like him alot...He kind of reminded me of Devin, only funnier. Well I dated him before and it just didn't work out because we didn't see eachother and he too did the whole not texting me back thing (I REALLY don't like that) Oh and when i say not txting me back i don't just mean for a little while (im not that unreasonable) i mean for like days on end. I hated it, even if i txted h im he wouldn't txt me and so i ended it....well there was also the fact that he didn't like one of my friends and if i was txting my friend, who was a guy, he would flip out and get mad at me. He asked me to see it from his perspective once and i guess i understand to an extent but i mean seriously? he told me I shouldn't txt him anymore or he'd 'break up with me' so I told him that if he was going to be that kind of guy then i didn't want him and he could just leave me alone. and so he did...for awhile... But then he was at my aunt's house when i was baby sitting and he txt me later and said that hanging out with me made him realise what he was missing and he really did miss me and in a way i missed him too. He had this way of brightening my day and making me in a good mood and sometimes I could get my way really easily from him (which i loved every once in awhile) He was a friend for awhile and I kept telling him he was my friend but idk what i think right now... it hurts me that i even hurt Clayton through this one dumb mistake I made. I just hope that one day he will forgive me and talk to me like we used to........but i'm not really sure that will ever happen again.... :( :'(
Maybe I should just swollow my pride and admit to them all that i made a mistake....? Maybe he would forgive me...? Or maybe he would laugh and throw it back in my face that he told me so...? I Really don't know what to do about this....I've never been in this situation before...But i have learned that no matter what is happening I'm not going to make this mistake again....I just wish I hadn't burnt some bridges on the way to that revelation. Idk...we'll see i guess...

I'm in such a good mood today! I wasn't really first period but sitting here in second I just all of a sudden got really hyper and happy. The other day I went to the track to work on high jump but I didn't do all that well because it was so windy the bar would fall off before I even jumped. I ended up texting a friend and going to pick them up. We went back to the track and hung out for the whole day pretty much. I haven't got to see this person in a long time and I have missed him a lot. We use to date but it just didn't work out because we never got to see eachother and I can't handle that very well, I guess I'm just not mature enough yet. We both worked on high jump for awhile because he knows how to do it too. After a little while we laid on the high jump pit, the big foamy mattress like thing, and talked for a couple of hours. I'm happy I got to see him and if I could do yesterday again I would do it the same way. Live life witout regrets.

Speeches

When I wrote my speech is when I learned it the most. Normally if I'm the one who wrote the speech I can for sure remember most of it I might just have some trouble remembering the order, the beginning and end. Most of the time I focus on the beginning and the end when I read it because those are the most unnatural parts for me. I just have to read my speech a couple of times and then try it without the paper and get as far as I can without it then work on the rest, still reading the first parts. I practiced my speech with myself. I said it to my brother Cameron a few times. I would just tell anyone to just keep reading your speech over and over and practicing without the paper. That is the only way I have ever found that would help you learn your speech, it's just like learning a new song on the radio. You could even record it and play it on your ipod and actually act like it's a song and listen to it and say it.

http://aceonlineschools.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/ipod.jpg

Part 2. How have you improved since the first speech? What would you like to improve on for the next one? How do you plan to do that?

My first speech I messed up on my beginning and this last time I managed to say the whole thing without a prompt. This excited me because the first time I did it I had to have a couple of prompts and totally forgot my introduction after about the first sentence. There were a few times where I messed up and went back and changed it but it worked so I was happy. I'm still a little scared of speaking in front of people but it is more managable or maybe I just got used to the nerves and have accepted that it is going to happen. I would like to be able to do my next speech without a notecard. I will have to go over it more often than I have any of my past ones.

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Surprising

Luke's uncle texted me the other day. At first he was just asking me a question about Luke, if he and his girlfriend were still together then he said that me and Luke just needed to get back together and be done with it. I was shocked. I knew Blake was okay with me because he has always allowed Luke to come help me out, even at the most awkward times but I never realized he did this because he was, well, rooting for me for lack of a better way to describe it. The thing is that Luke has always told me that out of all the girls he's ever dated Blake liked me the best but I guess I just thought he was exaggerating so that I wouldn't feel as weird about some of our late movie nights and such. It turns out that he was telling the truth and even down playing it a little bit. Even after me and Luke broke up I could always count on him to be there for me and I love that because he's a really good friend but at this point it would be a little strange going over to his house again. With the way Lucas has been acting here recently I don't think that will be much of a problem though. It makes me sad that he's acting so weird but oh well I'll deal with it later if it gets much worse.

I guess we are doing blogs in speech now. I still have mine from my english class last year (this one) so I just put this one as my blog for this class. I think I will need to go back through some of my posts to make sure I didn't use any last names because I really don't remember. I wonder if this has to be in correct grammar? I will probly need to find out some people's blogs in here to start following. pyzam.com for blogger templates. I enjoy blogging though I often forget that I'm not just talkin to myslef so I need to watch myself with that.

wow i havent been on here in forever and i dont have much time in this period left so this will be short for now. This year has been so odd. marie is gone and people just seem different. Our soccer coach this year was amazing and she got married and is having a baby. im no gettin into all my thoughts and issues in this because it would be left half done and thats just no good lol. At this moment there are some for a later date. boy issues (of course...whats one of my blogs without a boy issue???) girl dramas (diff people) and just trying to stay me....

D=< EEEEERRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! D=< .

Anyone who knows me knows that i don't normally cuss. In order for me to be cussing I would have to really mad. Let me just say that this morning and last night every other word out of my mouth was a cuss word. I was SO MAADDD I was seeing red, my teeth hurt from grinding them together and I could not sit still to save my life. I was so far past the point of screaming it wasn't even funny. I was to the point that i would have smashed someone's face into a box of nails if they were around. The person who made me this mad better watch themselves cause I have enough of my dad in me to be able to hold a grudge for a VERY LONG TIME! Once soccer season starts it is on, no mercy for her this year. This person made me mad and when i told the story to my friends they got mad too. This chick's life is gonna suck for the rest of the school year and longer if she plays soccer again *insert evil smile here*
Okay enough about how mad i am in the aftermath of last night, I'll tell you a little story about why I'm so worked up. Last night i text one of my friend (who happens to also be an ex) because me and one of our mutual friends were worried about him. He has been acting strange for a good while now and it just wasn't him. He use to own up to his mistakes and even if they weren't his mistake he'd rather blame himself than someone else. Now he ALWAYS blames others for things going on. He use to be nice and try to be there for people when they needed advice or just someone to talk to. Now he blows others off, is rude to them and just acts like a jerk to people. Anyways, back on topic, I text him to see if he'd tell me what's been going on lately and he starts acting funny. Starts asking why i was talking to him and what i wanted so i started poking fun at him (like i normally do when he's being weird to get him to loosen up and be normal again) and i was saying how i knew his face was kinda funny looking but some people are okay with talking to funny looking people and joking around like normal. He starts getting meanish and saying how I'm ugly and he's so hot and how I'm not even in the same league as him and how i shouldn't be allowed to watch a stupid movie about retarded hannah montanna because it had a hot peoson in it and that ugly people shouldn't be allowed to watch hot people in movies. and there is alot more but right now class is almost over so it will have to wait for another day.